心理驛站 | 疫情居家親子關系小貼士

在疫情時代，突然的居家辦公和網課學習再次打亂了我們正常的生活節奏，并給很多家庭帶來了挑戰。這威脅到的不只是大家身體層面的健康，還包括心理健康。作為父母，不僅要協調自己的工作，同時還要維持家里的生活，并輔導孩子上網課、做作業等。因此，父母內心也許承受著不小的壓力，并可能無法及時得到排解和照顧。今天我們為家長們準備了一些在疫情期間，如何照顧好自己，同時順利應對親子關系挑戰的小建議。 

In the post-pandemic era, staying at home for work and school has disrupted our life’s rhythm and brought challenges to many families, regarding both our physical health as well as mental well-being. As parents, you have to take care of your work, maintain your family life, and help your children with online learning and homework. With this inner pressure, parents may not get timely relief and care for themselves. Today, we have prepared some tips for you to practice self-care and how to deal with the challenges of the parent-child relationship.

在這段時間里，許多家長有了更多在家和孩子一起相處的時間。然而，這段親子時光也許沒有想象中的那般靜謐美好，尤其是在這有限的社交和活動空間里。過多的相處時間讓家長們的耐心開始被消耗。家庭成員可能會因為一些雞毛蒜皮的小事產生爭執，而影響了整體家庭氛圍。 

當我們心情愉悅時想要同他人分享，他人往往很難做到感同身受。然而，對于負面情緒，只要簡單的嘆氣或者擺個臉色，就可以快速的破壞別人的好心情。家長一定要留意自己的行為、用詞用語和身體語言。尤其在自己忙碌的時刻，避免在自己無意識的情況下，通過些細小的行為將焦慮傳遞給孩子。因此，為了更好的照顧孩子們，家長應先將重心放在照顧自己以處在穩定和積極的狀態里。 

During this period, many parents are spending more time at home with their children. And often, this parent-child time is not as quiet and beautiful as imagined especially when social and activity space is limited in the home environment. Spending too much time together, parents’ patience can start to exhaust and family members are more likely to argue over small things affecting the atmosphere of the family.  

When we are in a good mood, we want to share, but it can be difficult to make others feel the same.  On the other hand, when it comes to negative emotions, a simple sigh or a grimace can quickly turn someone’s good mood into a bad one. Parents must be mindful of their actions, words, and body language especially during these busy times to avoid passing on anxiety to your children through minor behaviors. Therefore, parents just make it a top priority to first take good care of themselves to stay in a stable and positive state, in order to take better care of their children. 

負面情緒和矛盾都是正常的。作為家長，當您感覺自己即將說出或做出傷害自己孩子的話或行為時，不妨讓自己快速地離開當時的場景。找個安靜的地方先冷靜下來，并可以嘗試以下四個步驟來解決問題： 

1)  告訴您的孩子我們都會生氣，生氣是個正常的情緒。 

2)  在自己的空間里，做一些讓自己舒服和放松的事情來調整好自己的情緒。 

3)  當雙方都平靜下來的后，再討論剛剛發生的事情。 

4)  傾聽孩子的觀點，提醒孩子家里的規則以及對他/她的期待，再一起解決問題。 

Negative emotions and conflicts are normal. As a parent, when you feel you are about to say or do something harmful to your child, quickly remove yourself from the situation.  Find a quiet place to calm down and use the following four steps to deal with the situation: 

1） Tell your child(ren) that we all get angry. This is a very normal emotion. 

2） Do something comfortable and relaxing in your own space to tune in to your mood. 

3） When both of you have calmed down, talk about the problem. 

4） Listen to your child’s point of view, remind him/her of the rules and expectations at home and work on the solution together. 

我們總是談論建立邊界的重要性。然而由于疫情的緣故，家成為了我們辦公和學習的地方，而家居生活與工作學習的界線也逐漸模糊。除了地點與時間的模糊不清，我們還要處理職責與權限的邊界。 

當孩子們在學校時，老師們會管理孩子們的課堂表現。但在上網課的時，家長則需要分配額外的精力到看管孩子上網課的表現。而這超出了家長的職責范圍。這也會影響孩子們對控制感和家的感受。 

我們都希望在不確定性中尋找控制感，孩子們也不例外。在這一點上，家長們也許需要考慮，您是否忽略了孩子對控制感的需要，并將您對控制感的需求放到了孩子身上。過度的看管可能會讓孩子們對不確定性更加脆弱，反而讓他們感覺無助和迷茫。 

We often talk about the importance of establishing boundaries. As a result of the pandemic, homes have become places of work and study, blurring the boundaries between home, school, and work. In addition to the blurring of boundaries such as site and time, we may also need to deal with the blurring of responsibilities and authority. 

If children are in school, the teachers are in charge of their classroom performance. When school is taking place at home, parents need to dedicate some energy to pay attention to their children during online classes, which expands the responsibilities of parents. This may also affect your children’s sense of control and feeling of home. 

We all seek control in times of uncertainty, and children are no exception. At this point, parents may need to consider whether you are ignoring your child’s need for a sense of control and putting your own need for control on your child. Excessive regulation may make your children more vulnerable to uncertainty and make them feel helpless and lost. 

作為家長，如果您和孩子交流只局限于學?？梢?，那爭吵一定不可避免！因此，將注意力轉移到一些有活動中并試圖一起參與一些有趣并有創造力的活動時，可以增進您和孩子的親子關系并且降低焦慮水平。不要擔心，我們并不要求您有超高的藝術創造力。這件事情的重點在于”一起做一些放松的事情”。盡管室內的空間有限，但仍然有許多活動可以進行。以下是一些建議： 

• 一起讀一本書 

•  一起整理相冊 

•  一起制作一道菜 

•  一起看一場體育比賽 

•  一起看電視劇或者綜藝節目 

在一起做一件事情時，也許您會驚喜的發現，您又多了解了您的孩子一些。而您的孩子，也將更加了解您！ 

As parents, if you and your children limit the communication to homework and school tasks, of course, arguments will be inevitable! Hence, shifting your attention to something else and trying to do activities fun and creative together can help to improve parent-child relationships as well as decrease anxiety levels. Don’t worry， this kind of creativity does not require you to engage in “artistic creation”. The main point is “doing something relaxing together”. Although the indoor space is limited, there are still lots of activities that can be carried out!  Here are some ideas:  

• Read a book together 

• Organize the photo album together 

• Try a new dish together  

• Watch a sports competition together   

• Watch a TV show together  

It may surprise you how much you can learn about your children and how much your children can get to know you better while you guys are doing something together!